Most children experience nightmares at some stage in their life. They normally occur in the last two thirds of the night between midnight and 7am, and they are more common in families who have a history of nightmares. Nightmares occur during sleep for the most part they are usually caused by and reflect the emotional conflicts that arise from a child’s waking life. These conflicts are just the usual struggles children face throughout their normal development. Partly for this reason, all children have nightmares at one time or another.
Like all dreams, nightmares occur during REM sleep. Although new-born babies presumably have rudimentary dreams- since they spend a great deal of time in REM sleep, during which time they show eye movements and little smiles. We do not know whether they are experiencing what we would consider to be a true dream, with complex images, sounds, feelings and thoughts. The content of a one year olds dreams and nightmares are more likely to be pretty simple, he will recreate and re-experience a recent frightening event. Even though a one year old cannot describe his dream well, he may have enough verbal ability to indicate that it concerned a recent bee sting or a blood test. A child of this age does not understand the difference between a dream and reality, so, on waking, he will not understand that the dream is over. But dreams, including nightmares, unquestionably do occur during the second year of life, a fact that becomes progressively clearer as your child develops speech and the ability to describe his dreams.
Young toddlers commonly fear separation from you, so your child is more likely to have nightmares when he first starts day care, when you go out of town, or if he has briefly been separated from you in some way. If your child has nightmares only now and then, a straightforward approach is usually sufficient.
If your child is less than two years old, remember that he does not understand that dreams are not real and that they are not reality, you won’t have much success trying to show him that “it was just a dream”. He simply needs to be held and comforted just as you would after a frightening daytime event.
For a two year old, soothing, reassuring words will also help and at this age he may also be comforted if you listen while he describes his dream to you. Put a nightlight on in his room and also leave the door open. These things will help your toddler feel more connected to you during the night and be able to help self soothe himself back to sleep when he wakes during the night.
The main thing to remember when your child wakes from a nightmare is that he is truly frightened and needs your full reassurance and support. If he is afraid to go back to sleep, you may have to stay with him for a considerable amount of time. Be supportive in a calm and convincing way, showing that you are in control and are able to keep him safe.
