When I was asked to join the team of experts for Social Toddler, I have to be honest with you and tell you that the word social jumped out at me. Yes, I am a social person, but when I think about my special needs son, Brandon and the word social or socializing it makes me feel sad.
As you may already know having great difficulty in the social arena is an autistic trait. So let me take you on a journey when Brandon was a little boy. He could never make a friend, although he really wanted to. His words came flying out of his mouth in a strange order and the children hated him because they did not understand what he was trying to say. He would also repeat himself, and that infuriated the other kids. He just wanted to fit in and that never happened. Thirty years later, I can still picture this: Brandon sitting outside or in the cafeteria at school at an empty table. He always ate alone. That visualization still tugs at my heart today.
I believe that when the word social or socializing is brought up to parents with toddlers who have autism it may haunt them in ways that it has haunted me for years.
Most children who have autism are not social toddlers and most of them will not grow up to be social adults. With that said, when you have your child’s diagnosis at an early age, which I did not have when Brandon was growing up you are able to understand what is going on. Knowledge gives you power.
Making play dates for Matthew, my older son, was fun, easy, and joyous. For Brandon, it was the complete opposite and it did not happen, but I never gave up. I have been teaching Brandon how to be more social through games I created and he has been doing much better over the years. I have also surrounded my son with people who understand him and love him for who he is. That has helped tremendously.
If you find yourself in this situation when your children are toddlers, remember you are not only their parents, but you are also their best friends. Keep on teaching and showing your children the way. Each child is unique and each will learn differently. If you can discover how your child learns best it will help you to break through the barriers and find success. It may take a while, but just keep moving forward one day, one step at a time.
